I was thinking today, and I noticed how random I’ve been as of late. That is  a really good thing… cuz it means that I’m doing better. This is all of a sudden type thing.. but. ya… just to let y’all know. The period of darkness has come to pass. 

Oh btw.. i took this one… Photo  credit to me

Silent Eyes

“”Johnny Falls, he throws his hands into the air. into these walls. He’s freaking out, he’s gotta gun. He’ll get his way, He’ll have his fun. You make a mess you. You bruise my name. Try to cut me down, with every word you say. … IF YOU WRECK MY DAY, IF YOU WRECK MY DAY, you… son of a………. your gonna get some. And I’m tired of this stupid game of running in circles from you again. Don’t blame me for what i gotta do. I WON’T hate myself to be LOVED by YOU!!!

Don’t PUSH me, don’t BLAME me, or you’ll be sorry. Am i getting through?? I won’t back down as of right now. I won’t hate myself to be loved by you.

See my cry. See me smile, see my fall, see my fly……””

…I can’t remember how or why. I’m drowning, falling fast..

Your memory fills my mind.. ur face consumes my thoughts…

more than ever I wish I could’ve

More than ever i miss you..

more than ever i wish i’d been able to tell you

everything you did for me, every word and action,

phrases that seemed like just words to u

i still live by them…

I just wish i could have told you, what you really mean to me

but now.. that chance is gone…

Not gonna lie, I’ve never felt this before.

I never knew how much I missed you, loved you

til you were gone, its been more than a week now, and the

tears still flow steady..

You made an impact on this world in your short eighteen years.

You made a difference

If I even partly live up to what you were, free spirit

I will have accomplished something.

A role model, an example,

you were even more than that..

you made your mark. You left your tale..

The world is a little bit emptier without you..

Until we meet again.

You will be in my thoughts

You're nothing less than epic.

Rest In Peace Lucas.

So the reason behind my exsessive blogging as of today. is cuz well i downloaded Windows Live Writer which sets up my blog for me without having to actually be on LiveJouranl… im loving it!!! yay thanks to microsoft.. they bought me starbucks for anyone who gets that… Ejournal in may!! yay

When I see your smile,
Tears roll down my face
I can't replace.
And now that I'm strong, I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I'll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.
I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
It's okay,
It's okay,
It's okay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Seasons are changing,
And waves are crashing,
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one.
I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,
My true love, my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here... for you!
Please don't walk away and,
Please tell me you'll stay!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Stay!
Whoa-oh!
Use me as you will!
Pull my strings just for a thrill!
And I know I'll be okay,
Though my skies are turning grey! (grey! grey! )
I will never let you fall!
I'll stand up with you forever!
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!
I will never let you fall!
I'll stand up with you forever!
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!

Your Guardian Angel~Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When u say that it makes my day… You have no idea….

  Somedays life deals u lemons.. just gotta suck up all that acidic lemony acid and deal with it.. those are the cards we get dealt in Texas hold ‘em just gotta play em. Death is a blow, especially when its someone you know.. whether you were close to them or not, they were a part of your life.. and well, you just gotta pick up your head and keep on marching what else can we do??? i dont know.. well I guess we can dance the nights away hoping for something to come along to cheer us up! Fingers crossed and pray to God. Something WILL be a picker upper whether it be a success in your own life or seeing someone else’s turn around. It will come, all in due time. well keep on marching wayward soldiers.. keep on marching

Silent Eyes

Somedays I wonder if its not just easier to dance the days away then to try and find someone. I feel as though I’ve been thrown into many situations I’m not ready for. Am I just this bad with guys and better off single or am I just having terrible luck with them??? I wish I had an older sister or a female friend I could go to somedays. I have not had any luck with this. In the past WEEK two different boys have wanted to be with me and I feel as though I’ve done nothing but evil to them. One, I’m happy to say understands what is going on in my life. But the other I feel as though I have destroyed. </3.... :’( *Sigh* is this is life????? Or is this my life.... Why can I be so cruel but still AHHHHH

“I saw the clouds forming tornadoes in the sky.
Winter winds blew on Lake Michigan that night.
I carved your name into my arm, so I would remember you.
Sometime it hurts so bad I don’t know what to say.
Enacting Sybil Vane in some tragic play.
So afraid that I can’t ever explain.

So now I scream,
and hope its a dream.
It’s hard just to breathe,
When we say goodbye.

I try to sleep but there are nightmares when I try.
The birds are circling I know the reasons why.
Maybe a sad song sometime,
Will make you remember me.
Sometimes I feel its my destiny to fall.
Get dried and hung up on a gallery wall.
Holding on by just a thread to my heart.

So now I scream
and hope it’s a dream.
It’s hard just to breathe,
When we say goodbye.
Scream.
It’s not what it seems,
I still can’t believe,
That we said goodbye.

From now on when I think of you I’ll
SCREAM.”

~Scream~Kill Hannah~

This song. Mat Devine. All my thoughts summed up. I will NEVER find anyone to ever feel this way for me. “SOMETIMES I FEEL IT’S MY DESTINY TO FALL. GET DRIED UP AND HUNG ON A GALLERY WALL.” Maybe if I came nothing but a display in a museum or art gallery for people to gauke at maybe someone could learn from my mistakes. Maybe. But one can only hope. Nothing is for certain. Nothing is for sure. I can’t stand myself. How can anyone love me.........if I don’t even love me. How can I love someone else....before I learn to love who I am. Why can NO ONE understand what I am going through? Why must I suffer alone?

Silent Eyes....:’(